You are a….phobe!

Recently I had the experience of being labelled by another person because I did not and do not share the same viewpoint as them. I was labelled both homophobic and transphobic. I took what they said and have sat with it and sort counsel from my spiritual advisors throughout the Lenten season.

I realised after seeking this counsel and sitting with it, that I am not what this person chose to label me as. Why can I say that for sure, because to be truly phobic, you actually have to a hate within yourself of the other thing. I don’t hate either the homosexual or the trans community. I have serious concerns as to how they are treated, I have even more serious concerns as to how the trans community are treated. In my own ways, I have worked privately through theology to get the serious bioethical concerns that I have, raised but like many theologians, medicine isn’t listening and neither is psychology.

My concerns though are valid. The homosexual community has not been treated with respect. That is a given and a point that any reasonable person will agree with. Many governments, including the one in the country that I live in, have moved to fix and are still moving to fix issues. There is progress, there is growth and time will continue to change and bring about more understanding.

The trans community in particular are very vulnerable, simply because neither medicine or psychology truly understand the whys, as to why trans people feel the way they do. Much more research and much more support must be given to these folk. My concern though lies with the why side. My question remains as to how many of these folk are being given a pat answers, that long term may not be the right one.

The old adage, “if in doubt, don’t” comes to mind. If a person is not sure what gender they are, they should be given time to sort through feelings and emotions. Given support to explore their life and see if trauma is involved or abuse is involved or other factors. Above all else, they should not be rushed onto a cocktail of body and mind altering medications that lead to changes that cannot be reversed. If this is the correct path for them, then taking time should not be an issue. Instead in many cases, it only takes a matter of months for an already confused person to be put on hormones that bring lasting change. Science has no right to use these folk as lab rats and in essence that is what science is doing.

What about the long term costs? For example, a male to female trans women, has a far higher risk of breast cancer. To maintain the body as female, hormones will need to adjusted and in some cases raised as they age. Whereas a naturally born women goes through menopause and those hormones drop. What feeds most breast cancers….female hormones. So, where does that leave trans women? I will tell you, stuck between two choices, death or stopping hormones. Simply because the science of breast cancer is based on naturally born women and the treatments are based on naturally born women.

In our modern society, this is totally unacceptable! No one group should be hung out to dry like that. You see, when my now former friend had someone close to her decide to transition, I got off my ass and read everything that I could get my hands on, so that I could understand. What scares me even more is the move to block natural development in children who are gender unsure. Again, the whys here are way too thin on the ground.

As a five year old, my gender was the least of my concerns and certainly did not even remotely wander into my thinking patterns. What is causing children so young to be asking questions like that? Children should be enjoying being children, not being so confused and hurt that they need to explore issues like this so young. These things show society failing people on a grand scale. Again, the whys are not being looked at, at the level they should be.

But hold on Veiled, you are a theologian, does that come in somewhere….yes it does and this is where my fears become ones that can keep a person up at night. Judge not is just one piece of counsel that comes from the scripture. And that is why I mostly keep my mouth shut on this issue and do my work quietly behind the scenes. We live in a world of noise and to be heard, there is this need for groups to try and out yell each other. We have several movements who are yelling right now, we have feminists, racial issues, gender, sexuality etc and they all are trying to not only out yell each other, they are also putting down others to raise their issues higher. Learn from history and the mistakes of those areas that you want to change. You were put down, what makes you think that by putting down others, you will make more progress. All you are doing is the same things as those who put you down. The definition of insanity comes to mind here, and that is “you expect to get different results by doing the same things, the same way”. Sorry folks but it simply won’t happen.

Yelling won’t work long term. What happens though is that the louder you yell, the closer to noise it becomes and its message gets lost in the noise. Folks can only take noise for so long before they shut their ears. There is a lot of ear shutting happening because folks are not learning to talk without yelling. What works better is local movements who find understanding without yelling. Platforms like social media are great for raising issues but the lines become fine when folks frame things with hashtags to push issues. After the 50th hashtag, even the most patient of folks are going to glaze over and only hear noise.

For me there is a more fundamental concern that no piece of literature has addressed.

We are created and the scripture on this point is as blunt as heck….it says male and female. Yes, there can be hiccups due to genetics and accidents that might inhibit the body but what about the soul. That bit of you that comes from God. For it to match, the soul has to be gendered and that gender needs to match the body that it is placed in. Otherwise God in whatever form that person takes the Divine to be, would be nothing more than a lesser Being who makes major mistakes. All knowing, all powerful and everywhere God is not going to stuff up that royally. And that is where I get super uncomfortable. If the soul is gendered and that soul matches that body, the confusion felt by a person is only going to be so much worse when you add gender issues to it. You are literally trying to change something that has been created perfectly and loved to bits by God, into something else.

And no, I am not saying that issues cannot happen but on a longer and more eternal scale, I am saying what right does anyone have to play God. And that is why, the whys are important.

It is possible that if you got to the why, a percentage of folks, simply may not feel the way they do. Body dysmorphia can come from mental health issues, genetic issues, family history, abuse and trauma and other issues. A person that gets the why, may come in time to accept the vessel they are in and accept and love themselves because someone gave them the grace of time to work within to do so.

There will be folks who this will not work for and they will need even greater support to find the whys. There are still folks who will be born, for whatever reason with imbalances that might require hormones and surgery to place them in the body they should be in. There are still children born, who are born with parts from both genders. In times past, gender was assigned. These days, they wait and see which gender is more dominant once puberty arrives or the body itself via hormone testing etc can give those hints. There is more than one pathway. The current pathway though is not sustainable. Its a spiritual and ethical minefield that does not need pat solutions. Here take these pills, revisit puberty and see you in 8 weeks, is not a solution if in 20 years those same pills are going to kill you. Here take these pills is not a solution when you pass from this life and possibly find out that what you did was not in harmony with the Divine Being that created you and the cost is an eternal one.

The solution is to slow the heck down. Stop trying to bandaide wounds that need to be fully cleaned out and the whys found. And even more so, maybe its time folks accepted that someone does not need to fully agree with you to care. They are not against you if they have another viewpoint. They may be very well working on the same problem as you, but don’t need to hashtag it.

MTheolSt….finally!

After three years of work, I am finally able to say that I am now a “real” theologian with a Master’s degree.  And a couple of weeks ago that would have been the end of it.  I was done with grad school and heading towards spiritual direction as a career path but it looks like the Lord has other plans for “Veiled”.

A couple of weeks ago, I had information dumped into my lap about the possibility of further study that could lead to PhD. Being the doubting Thomasina that I am, I sat on it for a week and thought, nope, not possible. That was of course until the Divine mountain range mover, picked up the Great Dividing Range and dumped it on my head! So I emailed one of the colleges belonging to Sydney College of Divinity and got responded to by the Dean.  I then sent my transcript in as requested and now I am just waiting to see what he and the registrar come up with.

There are a number of scenarios but it may mean MTh and or MA in Theology before PhD, or some form of Grad cert in theology to fill holes up or another scenario.  Or I cannot do a PhD.  Either way, I am content,  I am just waiting to hear back.  A number of my supporters are grinning as widely as I am. When I first started this journey, PhD was my original goal.  It has never been closer now.

Aspects of my faith, family history research!

Back in my 20’s, I caught a case of the family history research bacteria and have been happily suffering from it ever since.  Many folk though look upon it as a waste of time or an expensive folly.  What folk do not see is the importance of it and its value nor do they see the relevance of it.

Human’s have been honouring their dead in many and various ways, for the time that humans have been in existence. The act of respectfully disposing of the body was the first step that primitive humans took.  Later, burial with items of value showed a progression in human awareness.  Various shrines dedicated to ancestors, with offerings and prayers given, were believed to bring favour upon those who honoured those who had past.

Later, a number of faiths brought in or developed rites or concepts, such as the Communion of Saints (Catholic/Orthodox) or Temple work (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) to give structure and focus to that process of remembering. Prayers offered, religious services offered, grave blessing and formal rites, performed due to love and respect but also due to awareness.

For many, once a person is gone, they are gone!  There is no after life.  As a theologian, I find that understanding to be flawed, as it removes a sense of not only hope but a sense of belonging.  Why mourn then if they suddenly become meaningless? Why love them now, if you have no hope of seeing them again?   Why celebrate Halloween, a time where veil between living and dead is supposed to be thinned? Why accept a cultural belief, that is based on the dead being alive in some way, if you don’t personally believe in it? Maybe, it is because, at deeper human level, we need that sense of connection with others and whether its the act of laying someone to rest, burning incense at a shrine, reciting prayers at graves or in churches or proxy rites done on behalf of the dead, that need for connection is as hardwired into us as the need for food or rest is.

So what is the value of family history research and how do I express it?

Firstly, there is value in knowing where you come from.  Its not just finding names of people, its the added history through various records.  Census records telling where folks are born, where they were living and who was in the family, at that time.  When names, especially of spouses change, it opens leads into whole new people and new stories.  Military records giving service details. These lead to history and stories that can be told for generations. My family has a rich service history, in both my mothers and fathers side of the family and I hope to make that alive for the family to access. Newspaper articles can reveal through death and legal notices interesting details that can be followed up.  For example, my great grandfather (fathers side of the family) and his siblings were placed in the workhouse and I could not understand why.  It was because the mother had been jailed for neglect of the children.  Without the newspaper article, I would not have the full story.

Secondly, there is collaboration.  Accessing and where needs be correcting the information that others have.   Many people pay professionals to do the research and that can allow quicker progression of your own tree.

Thirdly, the research can provide medical information.  Death certificates can be bought as transcriptions (which are far cheaper than full certificates and far easier to read at times) and over generations, this information can be built up to provide a snap shot at what genetic weaknesses that might be there and which conditions keep repeating. By building that profile, you then get information that future generations can  use and maybe avoid or minimise problems that killed earlier generations.

And personally, there is a great inner sense of satisfaction and achievement when I find someone and through the research processes that I use, can say, yes, you are part of my family but then the faith levels comes in.  Over many years, in a number of forms, I have honoured both my and the dead of others. Whether it be through prayer or more formal liturgical means.

For me, they are not gone, they are very much alive.  In my 20’s, I was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I had the”job” or as they would put it, a calling of serving in the family history centre and helping others with their research.  It was the church calling that for me was the most satisfying. Later, I had the honour to serve a number of my family members, firstly through the research process of family history and then physically through a Temple, in my case, that was Sydney Australia Temple.

Through the research process I had come to an awareness of how alive the dead are, (to me).  I am not going to creep out my readers by talking about those experiences but when something happens enough and you get hit over the head enough, (despite being a cynical skeptic), as I was in my 20’s, you start to at least acknowledge that there is something going on, that is not some fluke and not a group delusion.  I am though going to share an experience that a friend had in my presence.

One particular day, I have travelled with a friend to the Temple, to start the religious rites for my mother’s mum and my father’s mum.  I was assigned to represent my mother’s mum and my friend by father’s mum.  After the beginning rites had been completed, my friend had emerged from the room, totally choked up and in tears.  All she could say is that my grandmother had received and accepted the rites.  Now this was not some 20 something as I was.  This was a mature women, in her mid 50’s that was a very blunt and down to earth person, so the possible BS factor was pretty much zero.  After the conclusion of the second set rites, she had a repeat of the experience and I was seated next to her, so I could see the intensity of feeling and had a definite awareness of the thinness of the veil between here and the next life. This experience never left me and as I continued to do the work for the family, I had a fair few of those moments or had them reported back to me by the youth, men and women who helped me.

At that point and even after I left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, that awareness remained.  I found alternative means to honour the departed but the family history research continued.

Now, years later as a MTheolSt (Masters of Theological Studies) graduate with liturgical training, its utterly normal for me to be asked to pray for a departed person and their family.  As a matter of fact, I was asked to do so yesterday by a nun friend, as one of the nuns, under her care, (my friend is a Rev Mother of a contemplative religious order) was given the news that the nephew of one of the sisters under her care, has passed away due to COVID. I have offered the appropriate prayers on his behalf an will continue to do so until after Easter. Even if friends don’t know, prayer is offered in the manner appropriate to their faiths when news of death reaches me.  It may mean crossing religious lines but as my undergrad theology degree is an ecumenical degree, I seem to have a bit more leeway than others might lols.  I know my limits and what I am allowed to and not do.  If I have to hybrid something to stay within the boundaries that the Divine has set for me, then so be it.  As long as the person is honoured respectfully, that is what counts.

And yes, research continues and it remains as exciting as ever, especially with the plans that I have to expand and enlarge the tree with historical detail, once some current cross referencing tasks and information checking tasks are complete.  War records and medical summary information is soon to come.

In this current time where COVID has caused and will yet cause more distress, I think we need to value and honour those connections more not less. We need to cling to hope more and cherish the connections that we have.

And so…the end is nigh!

Time certainly flies when one is in grad school.  Next week though starts my last semester. Two subjects, both capstone subjects. A research project, comparison of the mystical writings, on union with God from St Margaret Mary Alacoque and Blessed Maria Celeste Crostarosa. Its my second research project, as I studied an aspect of Blessed Maria Celeste last semester and the other subject is the Gospel of John. Mystical theology and Johannite theology…  No pressure there, lmao!

What is interesting though is how grad school has changed me, at my core.  I find myself coming back to my roots.  The church I tried to return too… despite being approved, have not been able to finish the process.  They are undergoing a very rapid reformation process.  Thank goodness for undergrad and all of those church history units, so I can see what is happening there, for what it is.  For now, I wait but for how long, I am not sure. Its been a year already…lols.  I am not sure now whether the pathway is correct but for now, I can sit tight.

After university, what then…right now, there are at least three possibilities but all of them need me to move states, which I dearly want to do, and two them require a very radical change of life style, which I cannot do while still carer of my mum.

Once formal study ends though, I have tens of thouands of pages of theology to still read.  I am going to be also doing studies in Judaism and Islam, on the side, so that once my caring role is complete, I can hit the ground running as an independent theologian.

Plus a whole load of fun books and non-fiction science stuff to finally get to, along with language studies, craft work and a few other fun things. So the nerding doesn’t stop after MTheolSt gets tacked on after my name.  If anything, it goes to a new and deeper place and I am looking forward to that.

 

Never bloodless

After an experience this week, I am yet again reminded that theology is never bloodless.  Blood…why blood? Simply because you don’t just bleed from physical wounds but from emotional and mental wounds as well.

Twenty five years ago, as a 15 year old, I walked into my first church. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have run screaming for the hills.  I have seen some of the most nasty, self centred, holier than though, social climbing twits. I have seen manipulative, hollow people, only wanting folk when they are following their agenda. I have seen elitist, prideful people who will stab you in the back,  faster than lightening.

Many times I have brought to my knees in tears because of the actions of folk. And many times, the heavens are silent. You see, you don’t always come away with comfort. Sometimes you come away just as tired as when you knelt. Sometimes…more often than not, the ceiling doesn’t move and prayer doesn’t feel like it’s leaving the room. That though is the reality. Friends become strangers, distance grows, then some turn on you and others ostracise you.  Life is perfectly reflected in religion but religious bonds or so called links have a tendency to magnify the emotions to, at times, magnitudes that fly out into the solar system.

Its at this point, most folk decide the what is asked is too much. At times…yes, it does feel like too much. Why is a favourite phrase of mine but somewhere, a friend says hi, posts the goofy cat or dog picture that you so need, in that moment, or says morning hun, hugs. In that moment, for just a second, the world slows just enough so you catch your breath. Drag yourself off your knees and start again. So to C, Y, A and K, thank you. The four of you have kept me centred and sane as the swirls of Grad school and theology masters degree, have howled around. To C,  who gently holds my heart in his hands and at the same time, lovingly kicks me up the backside. To Y, my non blood sis and fellow undergrad theology surviver, that cheers and makes me think. To A who always makes me think when she posts. To K who came out of nowhere and has opened up the way so I can go home. Thank you.

To those who are not as close anymore but taught vital lessons along the way, thank you also. I would not be in grad school without you.

So time to move forward!

Take the bite out of terror.

After a further break and some thought, I decided to come out of silence and start posting again. Why, like a lot of folk, I am tired of seeing what is going on in the world and by staying silent, that only feeds into the vortex that is already spinning.

So, lets get blunt, terrorism does not give a crap about what you believe, how you act etc.  Terrorism is simply a set of actions that completely and utterly disregard life.  Full stop.

Human life still counts.  I do not care if society disagrees.  Stuff society.  Each person has value. The world as a whole, is enriched by each life that come into it. Each life that passes from it, lessens the world.  That is why when an act of terrorism happens, folk are so shocked.  In that moment, folks remember that life has real value.  It is easy to loose sight of that between running off to work, paying the bills and just living the every day grind, that life is for some.  The thing is though, even in that grind, life is has value.

It is truly time that humanity woke the heck up. Terrorism wants to polarise and its doing a very good job of it.  So maybe its time we fight back.  Maybe its time to introduce you to Mo and Flo.  Mo works as a carpenter and Flo is a stay at home mum.  They have three kids, two in high school and one in upper primary.  Normal family with a normal life.  Bills to play.  Love the footy, go out as a family, see their friends and they contribute to the community.  The only thing that might take someone aback is that Mo and Flo are Muslims.  And its this point where the polarisation sets in.  You see, your were with me, right up until, I used the M word.  Well guess what….that folks is how the terrorists win.

Picking on race or religion has no impact on terrorism.  It was not all that long ago, when another group of folk, were driven from pillar to post and blamed for everything that goes wrong.  Those folk ended up a target in a war and were killed on a scale, that the world had not seen, until that time.  The world promised itself that it would never happen again. There is still much work that has to be done removing anti-Jewish sentiment.  Adding another group into similar sentiment, shows that the world hasn’t learned from its history. Its time, right now, that the world as a whole, stands up, and keeps that promise.

Terrorism wins if it divides us.  What unites us, is far stronger than what divides us.  You don’t understand what Mo and Flo believe, then learn about it.  You don’t have to agree but you do owe it to yourself, to educate yourself.  Read about history, learn from it. Abram and Anna, further down the road, happen to be close friends of Mo and Flo.  Just because Mo and Flo are Muslim and Abram and Anna are Jewish didn’t stop them from valuing that which unites them.  They spent time learning about each other.  Their sons are on the footy team together.  What they did is make a conscious choice to step outside of the hype and not be sucked down by it.  Read about Abram and Anna’s history as well.  Look at the similarity in what is happening in the world now, and what was happening in pre-WW2.

Then make the choice to build bridges and reinforce foundations. As people we can outrun the terrorists.  We have the ability to do that.  Each person that educates themself, is one less a person caught in that vortex.  The more that step out of that vortex and see it for what it is, then guess what, we slow it down and then it spins slower and has less impact.  Eventually, it stops spinning and all you find in it, are a group of people, who can’t suck the rest of us in.  Then what do you see, you see criminals that have no regard for the lives of others and you have them placed before a judge and put where they cannot harm others.

That is it….you see them for what they are, criminals.  Not terrorists, not something highly emotionally charged.  Human beings for whatever reason, have chosen to stop seeing the value of other persons lives.  As a society, we know what to do with murders, we jail them and make sure they can’t hurt others.  So lets take apart the hype and by doing that, lets take the power away from the terrorists and put it back into our hands.

 

Back after a break

Ah spiritual crisis; the fuel for inner growth and contemplation.  Also a way of saying that this blog is being rebooted.  Its been two years since my last post and that is two years, too long.

So expect to see some movement here in the coming weeks as the Mad one is back!

Pope Benedict, my take on it.

Well the media and people are swirling about Pope Benedict resigning. The thing is while he and his actions can be labeled in many ways, only those who know him well really know what may or may not be going through his head.

As I said a little while ago in a forum.  He is human.  Under the robes, crosses etc he is still a living, breathing, human being. I don’t know what burdens he carries.  How much sleep he loses, how many prayers he cries through. How much pain he feels in his heart.

It takes real guts to say, you know what, I can’t do this anymore. It shows that he wasn’t all that interested in the power and prestige that comes with the title, pope.

For whatever he did in his life or didn’t do about Nazi’s, child abuse, money etc….at this end of his life, he chose to make a choice to step out and let someone who hopefully will be stronger, take the burden.

Respect him for knowing himself well enough to know that he could not do it.  Respect him for knowing the right time for him to go, for him.

Pray that the next Pope will be strong enough to tackle the problems within the faith.

New year, new directions.

Well readers, I am back after finishing my theology degree and having thyroid surgery.  Having had a number of unpleasant experiences while away particularly from the theological and spiritual area, this has brought about a change in me that while I feel its for the better, some may not agree.

Please note the following.  This blog is being written by a graduate of an interdenominational theology degree.  The words expressed will NOT always express what the writer believes.  The writer has learned, the painful way, that the  best place for ones spiritual life is offline and hidden from view.

As such, expect the unexpected.  Do not expect perfect orthodoxy.  Expect not only heterodoxy but out and out heresy at times.  Do not think that Christianity will be the only the target, if its a religion, its a target.

I will back my words with searchable academic sources and I welcome discussion and argument, so long as you can back your words also.

Please keep your personal gnosis out of my comments.  I’m sorry but unless the Being your referring to, has told me the exact same thing, the last time He/She/It sat on my shoulder and talked to me, don’t expect me to agree or and don’t expect me to be graceful for that matter.  Also for those who are charismatic and read this blog, that goes for your revelations also.

This blog is written by someone who recognizes all five sees as having equal authority.   Someone who is pro-ordination of women, pro-contraception when keeping ones legs closed is for whatever reason not an option and when the life of the mother is in danger, pro-abortion also.

I think that covers the house keeping issues.

ending and beginnings.

All going well this is my last 11 days as a theology undergrad.  All I have to do is pass and that is it but does finishing a formal theology degree mean that I stop doing theology, heavens no, its only just now beginning and that is the new purpose of this blog.

This blog becomes theology central for me.  What I am studying or reading will become commented on, pulled apart and those thoughts will end up here.  So get ready only 11 days left before this blog takes off!